The Four Year Hiatus

Aren’t I great with keeping up with things I start? To be honest it’s never been one of my strong suits. I’m here because I was trying to find a log in for a school project but ended up on this page again. So, since I’m here, let me say a bit about my last four years.

  1. Graduated undergrad
  2. Started law school
  3. Got Married (Bucket list 1 check!)
  4. Lost weight but gained all and more back (courtesy of law school)
  5. Depressed and Anxious out the wazoo

So there it is. I feel like there’s been more, but unfortunately that seems to cover it. My dream to write has turned into a practical law school aspiration which kills me slowly daily with self-doubt. Honestly, let’s be real, I’m super melodramatic so who knows what’s real. I tell myself this will all be worth it in the end but no one can promise me that.

Regardless I’ll dredge on because that’s life, and it won’t stop just because I need a break.

So, here’s to the past four years: mostly good, a lot of change, and a lot of stress.

And here’s to the next four years: Finding a place and a routine.

 

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Roommates….

Holy cow have I had a time with roommates my 4 years of college. Let me tell you a quick story of why I am SOOOOO over roommates. Freshman year I start college all excited to meet new people. I get my roommate and she’s nice and other than that pretty bland…but at least she was nice. We live together less than a month and get along fine. A little awkward cause we didn’t know each other, but overall fine. Then all of sudden she says to me one morning that she’s thinking about maybe moving to a triple. She doesn’t want to make her mom pay more than she has to, so she’s looking into possibly changing rooms. I’m like okay whatever, not really thinking much about it. Later that day she tells me she found a triple and she’s moving out and by that night she was gone. Literally in less than a day I lost the one meek friend I had made in college. Luckily, the other people on my floor were chill so I became good friends with them quickly. A new girl ended up moving and we became best friends and are still friends, so it definitely turned out for the best, but it was still a roommate issue.

Sophomore year I wanted to live in my sorority house. I wasn’t great friends with anyone in the house yet, but I knew this one girl who seemed nice and texted me a bit so I thought I’d ask her to room together. We did and amazingly she actually made it to being my roommate and stayed the whole year. She got on my nerves from time to time but overall it was a good roommate pairing and I had a good time sophomore year aside from all the mental and emotional problems I was going through…

In the middle of sophomore year I had become closer with my sorority sisters and made plans with one that we would get an apartment together the next year. Well she decided to transfer and I tried to transfer until the last second I decided to stay. So there I am in like May with no where to live the next year. I kept asking my one friend if she would live with me but she wasn’t sure if she wanted a single or which suite she would live in. I was stuck in limbo. Finally she said she’d room with me and junior year living was great. We worked amazingly living together and I was much more mentally and emotionally stable by this point.

Junior year I met this girl who had transferred in that I immediately clicked with. We became really good friends really fast and it didn’t take us long to decide to get an apartment together the next year. I had decided to graduate in December and she was going to do her internship in the spring so it was perfect. Until today, when I found out that her internship was now in the fall and she was going to commute. So here I am. One semester left of school, a month and a half until school starts, and me in an apartment alone. No roommate, no one that I know needing a place to live, and the possibility of a transfer moving in. What’s even better is that the school won’t send me an email or anything whenever they assign someone to my apartment. I just have to keep checking our portal to see if it gets updated to show my new housing information, but right now it’s still showing me as living in the dorms of last year. So who knows when my portal will be updated, and I may just end up finding who I’m living with as I’m moving in. I’ll keep you posted as this progresses. Thank God I only have one more semester to deal with this.

Why I Will Never Take My Cat to the Vet Again

This is a story about my poor anxiety riddled cat and how she scarred me from ever going to the vet. About four years ago my family decided to get another pet. Our dog Missy had passed away, and our house was lonely. My family had decided upon getting a cat this time because they were easier to take care of. We went to the humane society and looked around all the cats. We didn’t want a kitten, because no one had the time to look after one. We found the perfect cat. She was a little over a year old (they thought since she was a stray picked up they weren’t sure), had a beautiful yellow coat, and when we picked her up she’d put her arms around your neck like she was hugging you. We took the cat home and named her Sunny. She was loving and kind and an overall great cat.

Well, the time came to take Sunny to the vet for declawing of her front paws and to get her spade (or neutered…I can never remember which is which). So my dad took her and all was fine. She was hurting a little bit, but that’s to be expected after surgery. Here’s the issue. It came to light that Sunny had already had a litter before coming to the animal shelter. Which means that she had already been in heat and that whole process. Apparently, you’re really not supposed to spade a cat after she’s already had a litter and experienced heat. When a cat is spade after a certain age it doesn’t forget. Well, I guess we didn’t realize how big of an issue this would be. Oh, but there’s more! In addition to getting her spade too old, a month later she goes back into heat! How you ask? Well…the vet missed some of her ovary or whatever he removes in the first surgery, which means she had to go back in for another surgery. Oh no, this cat was NOT happy…

So, she gets the second surgery and all is relatively fine. I go off to college and things are chill. Sunny and my relationship is peachy. Then, it comes around to the time for Sunny to go back to the vet for her annual check up. Note: she had not returned since her second surgery. My dad decides that I have to take her to the vet, and that I should take my little brother with me. And when is her vet appointment you may ask? My 19th birthday.

The day comes, and my dad warned us that she probably won’t be happy. That is the understatement of the year. My brother and I finally get her into her cage, which was already hassle enough, and we’re off to the vet.

As soon as we walk into the office, Sunny KNOWS where we are. She starts growling in her cage and pacing as best a big cat can in a little cage. We’re put back into a private room and wait for the vet tech to come and begin the exam. This poor sweet vet tech comes in unknowing of the hell that is about to be released and opens Sunny’s cage. And Sunny was free. She won’t let the vet tech touch her. Sunny is growling and hissing and I honestly didn’t know that a cat’s ears could be that flat. Somehow the vet tech wrestles Sunny enough to take her back to give her her shots and whatever else they do (you can tell I’m super knowledgeable about veterinarian practice). Sunny goes out crazy angry and insane, and the vet tech brings her back in wrapped up in a towel, and I swear my cat was high. Her pupils took up her entire eyes and she had this look of nothingness in her face. She was limp in the towel and looked just…creepy. Like she had officially lost her mind. The vet tech comes in and says something about how wrapping a cat in a warm towel calms them. Then SHE LETS SUNNY OUT OF THE TOWEL. WHY WOULD SHE DO THAT?! As soon as Sunny is out of the towel, Feral Sunny returned. She dashes underneath our chairs and begins hissing like crazy. The vet comes in (the same one who messed up Sunny’s surgery a year prior) and Sunny knows exactly who she is. That’s when she really loses it.

Have you ever heard a cat scream? YouTube it real quick. It’s one of the most terrifying noises that can ever be emitted from a living thing. I mean it’s one thing to hear it on YouTube, but to be locked in a room with the animal that is making that noise. Holy shit I thought I was going to die. The vet is trying to tell us that Sunny checked out and that she seems healthy, and she left as quickly as she could. Then that poor poor poor vet tech who absolutely does not get paid enough comes back in to try to put Sunny back into her cage so we can leave. Oh, Sunny would not have that. And I swear, in that moment, her body grew three sizes that day. She legitimately would not fit into the cage we brought her in. The vet tech leaves and comes back with two male vet techs, another vet, a large dog carrier from the clinic, and a net. The four of them wrestle this cat into a LARGE DOG CARRIER. I’m talking one a St. Bernard could fit in comfortably, and they still could barely get Sunny in there. Sunny had become Spider-Man. She was literally climbing walls and screaming and hissing and doing everything in her little cat power to not go into that cage. Of course my brother and I were standing in the corner our ears plugged mortified at how our sweet hugging cat turned into an evil feral cat.

Finally, the four trained professionals and a net succumbed Sunny to the cage and then gave her to us. I had half a mind to leave without the cat after that show. But, we paid for the trauma we had just received and left for home. As soon as we got home my brother and I stood behind the cage and let Sunny out. She started to step out carefully, and as soon as her foot hit carpet she tore off to hide underneath my parents’ bed. I looked in the cage to see that she had pooped, but had decided that I had survived enough trauma on my birthday that I think I could give myself the break of not having to clean out cat crap too.

I immediately called my dad to tell him the horror that our cat was hiding in her and that he had to clean that cat crap. To which he replied, yeah I thought it might be bad, and no you clean that cage now or it’ll stink. And that’s how my cat traumatized me of the vet and all animals and how I had to clean cat crap on my birthday.

Sunny and I have never been the same since that incident. I left for school, and every time I would come home I’d be greeted by the loving sounds of hissing and growling, and she even tried to charge me once or twice. I can never look at Sunny the same way again now that I know what she’s capable of. The vet never called us the next year for her updates.

Note: We have taken Sunny back to the vet for her shots, we just made sure she had some prescribed tranquilizers in her first. Also, we have no hard feelings towards the vet or clinic, our other cat goes there and he’s completely fine with them, Sunny just has anxiety towards any new people, and her experience with the vet certainly doesn’t help that. This is just supposed to be a humorous story about my crazy cat.

The Pain of Losing Weight

I have always been a little overweight. Yet my body is proportional where it’s not super obvious. This summer is the heaviest I’ve ever been and I didn’t even notice it happening. My mom has been overweight for awhile too so she suggested that we join Weight Watchers. I’ve been on weight watchers for 4 weeks this week and I’ve lost a grand total of 3.2  pounds including today where I gained half a pound this week. I was defeated. This is what always happens. I lose a couple pounds and think I’m doing great then I’ll gain. And it happens every time. I never really lose weight. 

I’ve told myself the scale doesn’t matter. The amount of gravity holding me to this Earth resulting in the weight that pulls me to the center of the Earth is not something I want to measure my self worth with. I’ve always said as long as I look and feel good then what does matter what the scale says. And I still believe that. But when I’m feeling worse and worse about the way I look and my clothes don’t fit right anymore, I have to do something new. 

So I’m with Weight Watchers with my mom, aunt (who just had twins), and cousin. I am constantly optimistic when others struggle, I stick spectacularly with the plan and track everything, and I’m increasing how much I exercise. I am doing everything they say and working hard, and yet I gained weight. After one month I can’t even lose 5 pounds when my mom and aunt lost over 5 pounds their first week. 

I’m going to keep with it. My support system won’t let me give up. But it is so frustrating to work so hard and do everything right with practically no progress. 

But I’ll increase my exercising more. I’ll begin tracking my measurements and hope I’ll see improvements there even if they’re not on the scale. I’m giving myself one year to get down to my goal weight. If after one year I can’t achieve this goal then I will allow myself to give up. 

Let’s hope it doesn’t come to that. 

A Bucket List

People often talk about their bucket lists and how important it is for them to complete everything on it. While I’ve always appreciated the idea of one, I’ve never really had a well thought-out, practical bucket list.There are obviously things that I want to do in life, but I’ve never really taken the time to think about what I want out of life. There’s an old saying in my sorority that you get out of it what you put in, and I feel that this can be applied to life as well. So I’ve decided now is the time. This post will be updated as I think of new aspirations and complete others, but here is my bucket list.

Margarete’s Bucket List

  1. Visit the UK
  2. Tour the Harry Potter studio in London
  3. Visit Italy (Rome and Venice in particular), Spain, France, Thailand (I’m sure this list will grow)
  4. See my family’s museum in Germany
  5. Take an Alaskan Cruise
  6. Move to San Diego
  7. Get married to someone I truly love
  8. See the rain forest
  9. Move to Colorado
  10. Write a book
  11. Organize and Create something clever with my childhood memorabilia so it doesn’t just sit in my closet
  12. Reach my goal weight range of 125-130 and maintain!
  13. Become fluent in a second language (I speak ok French and learning Spanish)
  14. See the Northern Lights
  15. PET A TIGER (I’ve seen friends do it in Thailand)
  16. Visit the Lord of the Rings set in New Zealand
  17. Buy a telescope for stargazing and actually use it
  18. Create a happy home for the family that I start
  19. Exercise on a regular basis
  20. Learn how to use a real professional camera

The Dream to Write

I’ve grown up reading. My parents began this habit from when I was a toddler by reading me stories every night before bed. I couldn’t get enough of them. Of course I had my favorites like The Little Mouse, the Red Ripe Strawberry, and the Big Hungry Bear; Goodnight Moon, and Blackberry Ink, but I always wanted to read new books. Whenever I was able to read on my own I couldn’t stop. I read all different books I can even down to shampoo bottles in the shower. I love to read. And it’s a passion that has followed me into the precipice of adulthood. Barnes and Noble is my favorite place to kill time. I go there to relax and feel better. I’ll mill through the books passing by treasured favorites and into new lands. For a long time my favorite genre has been young adult fiction, but before you roll your eyes and think of Twilight that’s not exactly what I mean. I love dystopian novels.  There’s something about living in a world after ruin where oppression is rampid and striving for what you want is hard that completely envelops me. I get lost in books like those. My ultimate favorite series is Shatter Me. I mean I love it so much that the title of the third book Ignite Me is my first tattoo. Just ignite though, the full title would sound weird on my back. This book series inspired me. It starts with a girl who is locked in a mental institution and is completely unsure of herself. She overthinks everything in her life constantly erasing what she wants think to think what society tells her to think. She’s lost and defeated until she’s put to the test. Against the oppressive government and outside of her cell she’s forced to take a stand and fight for what she believes is right and what she wants. Throughout the series she realizes that things aren’t always what you first judge them as, that life and love are so much more complicated than what you know, but most importantly she learns to accept who she is and stand up to fight for what she wants. It’s incredible.

So now I have to realize what I want. Do I want to take an easy route, where I graduate and find a job in my degree make decent money but hate going to work and bored out of my mind. Or do I chase what I think I’ve always wanted, to write. I toyed in high school with writing stories. Every time a creative writing piece would be assigned in English I took it as an opportunity to compose a narrative. Even on my own I would write stories that would come to mind. Short daydreams of people in a world so different yet so comparable to ours that would captivate me excess thoughts. But of course, school and life would prevent me from ever being able to really explore the idea of my imagination. I feel that I have stories to tell and worlds to share, but I don’t think I would know how to become an author anyways. Not to mention that it would be a much harder and poorer life to live until I wrote something that people were interested in.

My dream is to travel and write. To somehow make money enough to have a happy home and travel the world and write about the wonders that I see and the people that are there. I feel like this is what would make me truly happy. They say that life is short and we need to chase our dreams and what would make us happy because if we don’t what are we doing with our lives. They usually leave out the part of how terrifying it can be. I suppose this is when we’re supposed to find the fire and courage within and fight for what we want.

The First Post

Well, this may have been nerve wracking if I didn’t know that no one followed me.. But I’ll make this post anyways. As you can see, I’ve decided to write a blog about my life. Don’t be fooled, I don’t know jack shit about life. But, I feel that I’ve experienced some averagely weird things and who knows, maybe it’ll help someone deal with their life. I’ve made mistakes, I’m learning everyday of how to do life, but I think I’m close to figuring something out. Maybe it’s how to lose weight without trying…yeah probably not. I guess we’ll see if you’d like to come along with me. I’ll talk about my past, things happening now, secrets about my life that probably could stay off the internet but what’s the fun in making a blog if you’re not completely honest. I’ll talk about what it’s like to be 20 years old about to graduate from college and still not know anything about how to adult. But hopefully I’ll make you laugh along the way. So here it is! My Average Weird Life. Welcome.