The Pain of Losing Weight

I have always been a little overweight. Yet my body is proportional where it’s not super obvious. This summer is the heaviest I’ve ever been and I didn’t even notice it happening. My mom has been overweight for awhile too so she suggested that we join Weight Watchers. I’ve been on weight watchers for 4 weeks this week and I’ve lost a grand total of 3.2  pounds including today where I gained half a pound this week. I was defeated. This is what always happens. I lose a couple pounds and think I’m doing great then I’ll gain. And it happens every time. I never really lose weight. 

I’ve told myself the scale doesn’t matter. The amount of gravity holding me to this Earth resulting in the weight that pulls me to the center of the Earth is not something I want to measure my self worth with. I’ve always said as long as I look and feel good then what does matter what the scale says. And I still believe that. But when I’m feeling worse and worse about the way I look and my clothes don’t fit right anymore, I have to do something new. 

So I’m with Weight Watchers with my mom, aunt (who just had twins), and cousin. I am constantly optimistic when others struggle, I stick spectacularly with the plan and track everything, and I’m increasing how much I exercise. I am doing everything they say and working hard, and yet I gained weight. After one month I can’t even lose 5 pounds when my mom and aunt lost over 5 pounds their first week. 

I’m going to keep with it. My support system won’t let me give up. But it is so frustrating to work so hard and do everything right with practically no progress. 

But I’ll increase my exercising more. I’ll begin tracking my measurements and hope I’ll see improvements there even if they’re not on the scale. I’m giving myself one year to get down to my goal weight. If after one year I can’t achieve this goal then I will allow myself to give up. 

Let’s hope it doesn’t come to that. 

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